What keeps you up at night? Are you worried about your business, your career, or your family? For many people I’ve worked with, the doubts and fears fall into at least one of these categories:
1) Where is my next client or gig going to come from?
2) How am I going to balance everything?
3) What if I don’t measure up (aka imposter syndrome)?
The first one is very common with new entrepreneurs or musicians. Some coaches push the You’ve got to hustle and grind! agenda. I tried this when I started Rock the Next Stage. It didn’t work. I was all over the place, both literally and figuratively. I didn’t have a clear handle on my mission. I did way more than was really necessary. And I burned out.
If you’re a Type A personality, chances are you’ve adopted the If it’s to be, it’s up to me! mantra. The problem with this is that you left God out of the equation. He may have other plans. If you’re stuck or going in circles, this could be why.
Just know that worrying won’t change a single thing. Never has and never will. It just boosts your anxiety and stress levels. This bumps up your cortisol levels and the “fight or flight response.” This, as I documented in my ground-breaking ADHD study, creates ADHD-like symptoms. You can’t focus because you’re worried and stressed out all the time.
In order to find balance, you have to let go of control. If you’re a control freak, you’re probably hyperventilating right now after reading that suggestion. What you may not realize is that holding so tightly onto the reigns can also hold you back. Yes, there’s a story coming…
Many years ago when our kids were little, we went out to Oregon to visit one of my sisters. She decided to take us horseback riding. It was supposed to be a gentle trail ride. The problem was that I hadn’t been horseback riding since I was a kid. To make matters worse, Christopher Reeve (Superman) had just had his horse accident which paralyzed him. This was not a good thing to think about when you’re sitting in the saddle of a very large horse!
I could feel fear taking over and even though I tried to breathe through it, I tightened up on the reigns. The horse panicked and reared. Fortunately, I didn’t get thrown from the horse but the exact thing I was trying to avoid almost happened. I released my grip on the reigns and let him lead. The horse kept a slow, steady gait and we had a lovely and scenic ride.
As a seasoned parent and entrepreneur, one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes you need to ease up on the reigns. You can’t control everything.
Silencing your inner critic
In my last blog post, I talked about naysayers and critics. However…what if your biggest critic is you? Listen to how you talk to yourself. Would you talk to a friend that way? My guess is that you just said “No way!”
Then cut yourself some slack! Take a look at how far you’ve come. Count all your milestones and blessings, no matter how big or small. Don’t worry that you’re not measuring up. Measuring up according to whom? God loves you and has plans for you. That’s all you need to know.
Going through a rough patch? Need someone to talk to or drum with? Contact me and let’s chat!
Dori Staehle, MBA lives in the Raleigh, NC area and is the owner of Rock the Next Stage. She’s also a Musician on a Mission! She’s bounced back from layoffs, a freak accident, and much more. She uses therapeutic drumming, coaching, and motivational speaking to help people rise up and rock the next stage of their lives. Dori works with kids and adults and often provides instruments for everyone. Dori’s also a best-selling author who is presently working on her second title. To book Dori, click here.